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My Approach
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Individual Psychotherapy
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Couples Counseling
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My Style
I take an active, conversational approach to therapy. At its best, therapy with me should feel like an intense, deep conversation with a trusted friend that happens to focus solely on you. If you are looking for the conventional therapist that sits back and speaks infrequently; we are not a match. I am especially involved and directive while working with couples. I have experience working with public figures as well as clients from diverse backgrounds with a range of life experiences.
Listening
Although I have an active conversational style, I do plenty of listening. I just tend to give more feedback and ask more questions than a typical therapist. I guess you could more accurately describe me as an "active listener". I want to be clear that this does not mean that I give advice or talk about my own life. That is not therapy. My substantial training is in the old-fashioned, analytic style of psychology; however, I have chosen to adjust the conventional approach to a more modern conversational approach because I do not believe that therapy need be so dull.
Couples Counseling
My approach to couples counseling is based on the well-researched and proven method of Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT). EFT starts with the premise that our partner or primary attachment figure is a crucial resource for emotional, physical, and mental stability. Basically, the well-being of our primary relationship is the crucial component to a sense of well-being with life. For this reason, the focus of EFT is on strengthening the attachment bond between members of the couple. This is accomplished through a series of interventions aimed at removing blame, criticism, and defensiveness by way of joining together as a couple to do battle against the negative cycles of conflict that couples co-create. Yes, it might feel like your partner is the problem, but it takes "two to tango". Read more about my approach to relationship counseling, therapy with couples, and marriage counseling.
Psychodynamic Therapy and Family Systems
I practice non-directive psychotherapy with the goal of using my training and experience to help you uncover your own solutions. My approach to counseling and psychotherapy is based on the theory of Psychodynamic Psychology, Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFT), and Family Systems theory. These theories come with the understanding that all of our past experiences affect the way we live and feel today. By answering the question of why you are the way you are, we can begin to bring about change in your life today. By exploring how your personal history affects how you feel today, we will discover insights and bring new awareness to the changes you want to make in your life.
You can learn more or contact me to setup a first appointment.
Do I need a counselor?
I believe that almost everybody could benefit from some form of counseling. We all could use a quiet, safe, and confidential place to explore the tumultuous events of life. Most people usually seek therapy only after an issue has become truly serious. It is the same reason that people generally do not go to the doctor when they feel healthy. This opinion is beginning to change however; as medical professionals realize that preventative care plays a crucial part in healthy living. With this in mind, I suggest that everybody should create a relationship with a counselor so as to be prepared for the inevitable challenges of life. It is crucial to have a counseling relationship in place for when things might break down and require more serious attention.
Does therapy work?
Yes, but how? Well, let me relate a proverb that might bring clarity to this question. If you want to know how the water is, do not ask the fish. Fish are entirely underwater throughout their lifetime, leaving them with less perspective as to the comfort of their surroundings. It is simply all they know. In contrast, as people, we can dip our toes into the ocean and rather quickly assess, "That is too cold." It is our outside perspective and ability to compare the water and the air that helps us determine how the water is.
My impression is that therapy works in a similar way. You are surrounded by your own life, living in it, in such a way that sometimes it can be difficult to think and feel beyond the confines of your own world. Put simply, you are the fish in your own life's waters, and I am here to dip my toe in and help you understand your situation from a different, objective perspective; add in an altruistic goal of making your life more satisfying, and you have therapy.
How do I get started?
To get started, you can contact me and I will get back to you by the end of the next business day. Feel free to read more of my thoughts on counseling on my blog. You can learn more about being a client in counseling or read my thoughts on choosing a therapist. You can also leave me a voicemail any time with questions or concerns you might have.
I can also provide referrals to psychologists, psychiatrists, counselors, therapists, counseling centers, support groups, or social workers in the greater Los Angeles area.
I am here to help.
Jeffrey
I take an active, conversational approach to therapy. At its best, therapy with me should feel like an intense, deep conversation with a trusted friend that happens to focus solely on you. If you are looking for the conventional therapist that sits back and speaks infrequently; we are not a match. I am especially involved and directive while working with couples. I have experience working with public figures as well as clients from diverse backgrounds with a range of life experiences.
Listening
Although I have an active conversational style, I do plenty of listening. I just tend to give more feedback and ask more questions than a typical therapist. I guess you could more accurately describe me as an "active listener". I want to be clear that this does not mean that I give advice or talk about my own life. That is not therapy. My substantial training is in the old-fashioned, analytic style of psychology; however, I have chosen to adjust the conventional approach to a more modern conversational approach because I do not believe that therapy need be so dull.
Couples Counseling
My approach to couples counseling is based on the well-researched and proven method of Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT). EFT starts with the premise that our partner or primary attachment figure is a crucial resource for emotional, physical, and mental stability. Basically, the well-being of our primary relationship is the crucial component to a sense of well-being with life. For this reason, the focus of EFT is on strengthening the attachment bond between members of the couple. This is accomplished through a series of interventions aimed at removing blame, criticism, and defensiveness by way of joining together as a couple to do battle against the negative cycles of conflict that couples co-create. Yes, it might feel like your partner is the problem, but it takes "two to tango". Read more about my approach to relationship counseling, therapy with couples, and marriage counseling.
Psychodynamic Therapy and Family Systems
I practice non-directive psychotherapy with the goal of using my training and experience to help you uncover your own solutions. My approach to counseling and psychotherapy is based on the theory of Psychodynamic Psychology, Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFT), and Family Systems theory. These theories come with the understanding that all of our past experiences affect the way we live and feel today. By answering the question of why you are the way you are, we can begin to bring about change in your life today. By exploring how your personal history affects how you feel today, we will discover insights and bring new awareness to the changes you want to make in your life.
You can learn more or contact me to setup a first appointment.
Do I need a counselor?
I believe that almost everybody could benefit from some form of counseling. We all could use a quiet, safe, and confidential place to explore the tumultuous events of life. Most people usually seek therapy only after an issue has become truly serious. It is the same reason that people generally do not go to the doctor when they feel healthy. This opinion is beginning to change however; as medical professionals realize that preventative care plays a crucial part in healthy living. With this in mind, I suggest that everybody should create a relationship with a counselor so as to be prepared for the inevitable challenges of life. It is crucial to have a counseling relationship in place for when things might break down and require more serious attention.
Does therapy work?
Yes, but how? Well, let me relate a proverb that might bring clarity to this question. If you want to know how the water is, do not ask the fish. Fish are entirely underwater throughout their lifetime, leaving them with less perspective as to the comfort of their surroundings. It is simply all they know. In contrast, as people, we can dip our toes into the ocean and rather quickly assess, "That is too cold." It is our outside perspective and ability to compare the water and the air that helps us determine how the water is.
My impression is that therapy works in a similar way. You are surrounded by your own life, living in it, in such a way that sometimes it can be difficult to think and feel beyond the confines of your own world. Put simply, you are the fish in your own life's waters, and I am here to dip my toe in and help you understand your situation from a different, objective perspective; add in an altruistic goal of making your life more satisfying, and you have therapy.
How do I get started?
To get started, you can contact me and I will get back to you by the end of the next business day. Feel free to read more of my thoughts on counseling on my blog. You can learn more about being a client in counseling or read my thoughts on choosing a therapist. You can also leave me a voicemail any time with questions or concerns you might have.
I can also provide referrals to psychologists, psychiatrists, counselors, therapists, counseling centers, support groups, or social workers in the greater Los Angeles area.
I am here to help.
Jeffrey
How do I succeed in therapy?
Being a client is relatively straightforward. You show up on time each week, you speak openly and honestly about your problems, and try to reflect on the feedback and interpretations that I provide. The most important qualities for you to focus on are honesty, consistency, and patience. This may seem simple or daunting depending on your personality type but most people are able to make it work and get a lot out of therapy with me.
Patience.
A counselor needs time to get to know you in order to develop a working relationship such that progress and change can occur. As you well know, it takes time to warm up to people and get to know them deeply enough to "get them". Therapists that start "doing" therapy too quickly without taking the time to listen can leave you feeling judged or misunderstood. Changing your life and your way of being in the world takes time because the foundation and framework for who you are has been solidifying since the day you were born. Altering thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that have been around for this long occurs slowly but noticeably.
Honesty.
One of the cornerstones of effective psychotherapy is the confidential relationship between client and therapist that encourages deep and sometimes painful honesty. Honesty is a quality that many people strive to embrace, however; revealing private thoughts and secrets can be embarrassing or scary. In therapy, you are the guide and you have to make sure that you begin by talking about topics that you feel comfortable sharing. Being honest with ourselves is the first step to being honest with others.
Consistency
It may seem obvious to point out that consistent attendance is crucial to effective therapy. It is your time and money that you are investing in your therapy and if you want to have the maximum effectiveness of your work, you have to come on-time every week and do your best to think about the session throughout the week. Just like when your doctor points out that if you miss a pill, it lowers the overall effectiveness of the treatment program, so too goes your therapy. Missed sessions lead to more time being used on current events and less time for change-oriented therapy.
Feedback
Another important facet to therapy is your ability to give feedback to your counselor. Feel free to bring your concerns to me even if you want to talk about the effectiveness of the counseling or feel that you want to stop. Most counselors should welcome your feedback and work with you in a collaborative way to improve your therapy. Remember, it is your time and it is your counseling.
So, in summary, come to therapy each week and try to be honest. Then patiently give feedback until you feel that you are getting what you want out of your therapy.
Good luck,
Jeffrey
Being a client is relatively straightforward. You show up on time each week, you speak openly and honestly about your problems, and try to reflect on the feedback and interpretations that I provide. The most important qualities for you to focus on are honesty, consistency, and patience. This may seem simple or daunting depending on your personality type but most people are able to make it work and get a lot out of therapy with me.
Patience.
A counselor needs time to get to know you in order to develop a working relationship such that progress and change can occur. As you well know, it takes time to warm up to people and get to know them deeply enough to "get them". Therapists that start "doing" therapy too quickly without taking the time to listen can leave you feeling judged or misunderstood. Changing your life and your way of being in the world takes time because the foundation and framework for who you are has been solidifying since the day you were born. Altering thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that have been around for this long occurs slowly but noticeably.
Honesty.
One of the cornerstones of effective psychotherapy is the confidential relationship between client and therapist that encourages deep and sometimes painful honesty. Honesty is a quality that many people strive to embrace, however; revealing private thoughts and secrets can be embarrassing or scary. In therapy, you are the guide and you have to make sure that you begin by talking about topics that you feel comfortable sharing. Being honest with ourselves is the first step to being honest with others.
Consistency
It may seem obvious to point out that consistent attendance is crucial to effective therapy. It is your time and money that you are investing in your therapy and if you want to have the maximum effectiveness of your work, you have to come on-time every week and do your best to think about the session throughout the week. Just like when your doctor points out that if you miss a pill, it lowers the overall effectiveness of the treatment program, so too goes your therapy. Missed sessions lead to more time being used on current events and less time for change-oriented therapy.
Feedback
Another important facet to therapy is your ability to give feedback to your counselor. Feel free to bring your concerns to me even if you want to talk about the effectiveness of the counseling or feel that you want to stop. Most counselors should welcome your feedback and work with you in a collaborative way to improve your therapy. Remember, it is your time and it is your counseling.
So, in summary, come to therapy each week and try to be honest. Then patiently give feedback until you feel that you are getting what you want out of your therapy.
Good luck,
Jeffrey
Couples Counseling Overview
Every couple is different, every couple is complicated, and every couple has trouble talking about one or more key issues. In your first session I will quickly assess what isn't working in your relationship and build a plan to eliminate the problem. I will help facilitate effective communication, make sure the sessions are emotionally safe, and teach practical methods for getting your thoughts and feelings across. My job is not to figure out who is right and who is wrong, my job is to help. I tend to work with couples each week for 8-12 weeks.
My Approach: Fresh and Unbiased
Some very happy couples live with a great deal of friction and conflict while some of the loneliest couples appear content to the outside world. My approach is not to apply a textbook definition of a happy relationship to every couple I meet, but to tailor my help to your goals. Each couple has unique needs and each couple gets fresh therapy. My goal is to resolve issues and promote healing through mutual cooperation, not through blaming and taking sides.
Three Effective Counseling Modalities
One of the first goals we will have as a team is to select the best style of counseling to help you grow or heal. I have been influenced by two different techniques for helping couples.
- Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy. This style focuses on the depth of connection and the processing of feelings.
- Imago Couples Counseling. This is a structured approach to thoroughly deepen the connection between two people. The approach uses homework and in-session exercises to facilitate change. It is a comprehensive approach that is very successful if both parties are motivated and have time to invest in the process.
What is Couples Counseling?
Therapy is the process of talking calmly about the major issues in your relationship. Be advised that my goal in therapy is not to pick sides and figure out who is the "bad guy". Even if you think that all of your relationship problems exist because of your partner's beliefs or behaviors, that is not a helpful stance in therapy. I have found that the recipe for successful couples counseling is a pair of motivated workers, ready to put blame aside and start to look at their part in the negative cycle. It is only when two people show each other that they take the issue seriously and are willing to begin adjusting their beliefs and behaviors that couples grow and healing can begin.
Why do Couples seek Counseling?
Sometimes a relationship can simply reach a point in which you cannot talk about a certain subject without fighting. If you are a couple looking for therapy, one of you may be feeling unloved, undervalued, or hopeless while the other might be feeling nagged, not good enough, or under impossible expectations. All of these are common feelings associated with the pains of creating a close partnership between unique individuals in the context of our society. Freud said that "we are never more vulnerable then when we are in love." My job is not to change you or your partner but to help add the communication and relationship skills necessary to help your relationship thrive.
Giving What We Want
We love the way we want to be loved. We provide what we want or desire instead of what our partner needs. Sound paradoxical? It is. This error in basic empathy originates from a primitive human wish to be fully understood by the people closest to us. The implicit assumption of sameness that is so blatant and destructive within many couples leads us to give our partners what we want instead of what they want. This applies to how we touch, what we talk about, or even what presents we give.
A common example is frequency of phone contact within couples. For instance we tend to call our partners (or text) as often and at the times that we would want to be - or not be - called (or texted). We tend to give our partners what we want instead of what they want and we can't understand why they reject it.
Giving What They Want
First off, our goal as partners is to figure out what it is that we want and then find a kind way to ask for it. For some, this kind of "road-mapping" feels like it cheapens the love they receive. It doesn't. Trust me, it will still feel good.
Next, find out what your partner want and then give them what they want, even if it makes no sense to you. This is the core compromise. The recognition that we are all different people with different needs and no set of needs and wishes is inherently better or worse. Now, sometimes this is not as easy as it sounds. Issues crop up during communication in which it becomes difficult or impossible to feel heard. Some couples have problems that must first be addressed before the lines of communication, compromise, and cooperation can be opened. Examples of these are: financial issues, health concerns, lack of time together, individual history of trauma, substance use, or sexual problems.
Getting Started
To start, we will take turns outlining your concerns and then we will attempt to search for simple solutions to your solvable problems. We will test and tinker with our solutions and then begin to look deeper at your hidden fears and wishes. Trust is built through consistent demonstration of interpersonal learning and commitment. Research shows that it is only when both partners are showing equal effort and curiosity does a couple begin to heal and grow.
You can learn more or contact me to setup a first appointment.